


Between Hope And Silent Dreams

by dasakuryo



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy, Star Wars: Rebels
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Canon Compliant, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-04
Updated: 2020-05-04
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:09:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,555
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23865043
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dasakuryo/pseuds/dasakuryo
Summary: Hera has thought, daydreamed even, about the possibilities of a future after this wretched war. She has, indeed, daydreamed of a future that includes the two of them. She and Kanan. And Sabine. And Zeb. And Ezra. And maybe... just maybe—But dwelling on such scenarios when there is still a war to be fought seems impractical. She has to focus on defeating the Empire first. What good is thinking about lovely prospective plans if they don't bring to its knees the giant that has destroyed all their previous dreams?
Relationships: Garazeb "Zeb" Orrelios & Hera Syndulla, Hera Syndulla & Sabine Wren, Kanan Jarrus/Hera Syndulla
Comments: 14
Kudos: 33
Collections: May the 4th Be With You Star Wars Fanworks Exchange 2020





	Between Hope And Silent Dreams

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Llwyden ferch Gyfrinach (Llwyden)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Llwyden/gifts).



Hera revels in the comforting tapping on her shoulder and bites her lip to keep a smile from blossoming on her face. The warmth of the touch brings an unexpected, but highly welcomed, shakiness to her sigh. Each tremor in her exhale is punctuated by the gentle dab of fingertips on her skin, so comforting that she contemplates arching into the touch—

She settles for burying her face in the curve of Kanan's neck instead. This time she does not snuffle the hum, but lets it breeze freely across the patch of exposed skin. Kanan shifts under her, and soon enough the familiar weight of his chin rests on one of her lekku. His hand has snaked from her shoulder blade to her waist. When she presses a kiss to the hard lines of his clavicle, it's Kanan's turn to heave a sigh.

She reaches up, caressing his chest, and snuggles closer to him. Kanan tightens the grip of his arm around her in turn. She hums, comfortable, happy for this small semblance of peace amidst the dangerous unpredictability of this war against the Empire. And it's when Kanan kisses her head that the words come back to her, muddling her mind and tightening her chest.

_"What about us?"_

Telling she has never thought about it would be a lie. She has thought, daydreamed even, about the possibilities of a future after this wretched war. She has, indeed, daydreamed of a future that includes the two of them. She and Kanan. And Sabine. And Zeb. And Ezra. And maybe... just maybe...

But dwelling on such scenarios when there is still a war to be fought seems impractical. She has to focus on defeating the Empire first. What good is thinking about lovely prospective plans if they don't bring to its knees the giant that has destroyed all their previous dreams?

And yet, Kanan had a point. Has a point, every single time he's brought up the subject.

Perhaps it's her own fear... as if speaking such a thing into existence will suddenly conjure any and every unimaginable horror that can befall upon them. Upon this small and carefully-crafted and jealously-protected happiness.

_If she doesn't speak any of those dreams into existence, then it's easier to keep them safe caged in her chest...._

But then Kanan gazes at her, searches for her hand to give a gentle squeeze, gives her a quick peck on the lips when nobody is around, and she finds herself second guessing that decision. She wants to be straightforward... but she's afraid... so afraid that _she'll lose this too_ —

Just like she lost her mother. Just like she lost her home.

She isn't sure she can bear living in a world without her family. Without Sabine, Ezra, Zeb and—

Without Kanan.

* * *

Chopper hoots, again and again, but Hera can't bring herself to pat the droid on the head. All she is conscious off right now it's her pain, the smothering pain clutching at her heart, the searing pain choking her with every breath she attempts to take, the burning pain swelling up in her eyes and meandering down her cheeks.

_I should have told him sooner._

She buries her face in her knees. She wants to scream, but all that comes out of her throat is a ragged croak, a sobbing whimper whispering Kanan's name. But nobody will answer _Hera_ now, because he's—

The wind blows, singing a lament of deep howls in the canons outisde. Or are the Loth wolves the ones howling? She can't tell, nor she cares, all that she knows now, as the iciness seeps in to her very bones, is that she'll never feel the comforting warmth of Kanan's chest again.

She hugs herself, as tightly as she can, but the soft comfort of him is gone. She'll never feel the gentle push of his chest pressing against hers every time he exhales, every time he sighs her name as he hugs her.

All she has now are memories.

And tears.

* * *

"Hera?"

Sabine is looking at her with a crease between her brows. Hera knows the girl —her daughter, in more ways than one— has been following her every move since... everything happened. Since the liberation of Lothal. Since Kanan's death. Since Ezra's disappearance.

Maybe Sabine is expecting her to finally crack, crumble down under the pressure of everything that has transpired to in the past few days, no matter the strength Hera holds inside. Maybe the girl is waiting for the inevitable collapse with bone-chilling dread—

"Can I get you anything?"

Hera blinks, and cracks a tremulous smile, silently thanking her for not uttering the nonsensical _how are you feeling?_ s that have been following her ever since they set foot on Yavin IV yesterday. Few have acknowledged the Bantha in the room, and from those very few just a handful have actually said something that didn't make Hera want to punch them in the face.

"I am okay," she assures Sabine, her hand meandering to her abdomen absentmindedly.

She only realizes she's done it when Sabine's gaze fixes on her. Hera quickly withdraws her palm, feeling her cheeks and lekku burning, but clears her throat and goes over the last sets of coordinates in the navi-computer. The clinks and clanks of the buttons bring some semblance of normalcy, she can pretend she is just getting ready for another mission. She can act as if nothing has changed—

She keeps rummaging through the control panel, checking this and that, tinkering away, but in reality doing nothing. There are faint clanks behind her, she heaves a sigh, and the next thing she knows is she almost jolts when Sabine materializes on the co-pilot seat.

_How long has she been there?_

Whatever she was going to tell Sabine as an excuse gets stuck in her throat. The girl is clutching her hand, hard, the one she left hovering above a control, stunned. There's a shadow of tears in Sabine's clouded eyes—

"We're gonna figure this out together," the girl says through a shaky voice.

Not a minute later, Zeb clanks his way up the ramp. He's holding a meiloorun in one hand, and a small package wrapped in paper. He flashes Hera a smile and clamps her shoulder, squeezes, then steps back and clears his throat. Hera has a sudden and inexplicable urge to laugh, tears burning in her eyes. Zeb scratches the back of his head and outstretches his arm to her, package in his hand.

"We thought you are going to need this..." he trails off as the crinkling fills the silence.

Hera unwraps and unwraps, whatever is inside feels padded to the touch. She slides away the last layer of wrapping, staring at the content. Folded fabric. Her throat tightens again and new tears threaten to spill from her eyes.

"Zeb..."

"I mean, not you... you," he scratches his head again. "I mean the... a—"

His gaze quickly darts to Sabine for support, and the girl manages a choked-back laugh, squeezing Hera's arm.

"For the baby, I mean," Zeb finally lets out.

Chopper hoots, punctuating Zeb's words.

The onesie is green and blue. It has stars painted here and there. Hera recognises the brush strokes of Sabine in them, and the stitches of Zeb in the pieces sewn together. Chopper chirps, and suddenly a lamp is touching her lap, hanging from the end of the droid's retractable arm.

"It's beautiful, Chop," she assures the droid.

* * *

Years later, when time has etched lines on her face and weighed down her shoulders a fraction, Hera watches Jacen and a sad smile blossoms in her face.

"Mum, I am going to be fine. Poe's there too."

She huffs, as if those two hadn't been asking for trouble ever since they were toddlers, like when they chased each other up and down the countless hangars of the Alliance main bases throughout the war.

"Take care, Jacen," she says gravely, and pulls him into a hug before he has the chance to protest or even move an inch.

She's lucky she didn't lose Jacen that day, when Kylo Ren and his knights attacked Luke Skywalker's school. A part of her doesn't want to let him go on that starfighter, wants to keep him safe at home, away from a looming dark threat and Sith Lords. But the sparkle in Jacen eyes tells her all efforts will be futile, he's made his decision already. A decision she, too, made all those years ago. A decision that brought her to be part of something greater, a decision to save the galaxy from tyranny and fear. A decision that brought her to fight for freedom—

The same decision Jacen made. The decision Hera had always prayed he didn't have to make.

The leaves rustle when the engines hum to life. The wind breezes across her skin. A warm, welcoming and familiar weight rests on her shoulder. Instinctively, she reaches up with her hand, while her eyes narrow as she follows the ship up in the sky.

"I know he can take care of himself," she whispers, "but keep him safe."

The wind picks up the leaves, sends a chill down her spine.

_"Keep him safe, Kanan."_

There's a squeeze, and the weight on her shoulder is gone by the time she blinks again.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you have all enjoyed the story, especially Llwyden! I wanted to explore the events of Rebels, especially Hera's vulnerability, and interwove them with the ST canon, hope it met your expectations, Llwyden, and I did justice to the characters. Thank you all for reading ♥


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